Short note 2022

Jillian Richardson says below that men are keen to date younger women because older women are more inflexible. She puts a kinder spin on it but that is what it amounts to.

And she is right. Young women leap into relationships with greater alacrity than older ones do. But it is only a matter of degree. Women of all ages want relationships, with women in their 30s pretty keen too. That biological clock promotes great flexibility.

And my current girlfriend and I have formed a warm relationship despite meeting in our 70s. And it certainly took a lot of flexibility for us to get there. We both made large compromises to form our relationship. So flexibility is undoubtedly a help but it is not a monopoly of the young.

I am afraid that it is all simpler than Jillian admits. It's about looks. Youth is beautiful. And men, like everybody else, go for that. Women battle it energetically but their looks deteriorate as they get older.

And I am not at all disrespecting older women. I in fact appreciate older women. I once married a lady 11 years older than me and two others of my significant relationships were with women 5 year older than me. Though most of my relationships have been with women younger than me.

So I personally think that age has little to do with the matter. I have found fine women of all ages. If the woman is good enough she will find a good partner. Looks do matter but age need not be a barrier. Looks are only one factor in attractiveness.

I prioritize brains myself. And that has a perhaps surprising benefit. High IQ women also tend to be better looking. Life is not fair. All three of my ladies that I mentioned above have been good looking. And Zoe, my present partner, is readily taken for much younger than she is

This week on Instagram, I saw a video where actress Paulina Porizkov said that most men don’t want to date a woman in her 50s or 60s.

Her comments really hit my heart. Recently, I’ve been feeling very connected to the Jillian who is in her 40s and 50s. I think about how, if she is single, most of my male friends of the same age wouldn’t date her. (Context for people who are reading this and don’t know me — I’m in my twenties.)

I shared this in my Instagram stories, along with this commentary: “To every man reading this, if you’ve never dated a woman your own age, why? If you almost always date younger women, why?

Whether you recognize it or not, older men usually date younger women because they have fewer boundaries and expectations. They’re easier to control. And you as a man cannot handle the power of a woman your age.

This is something I have been talking about and reflecting on a lot, but never posted on social media because I want everyone to like me. And this is something that men probably don’t want to hear. But I’m working on being ok with people not liking me so… I said what I said.”

What happened next absolutely blew my mind. I’ve never received so many DMs from people. Almost 100 women said that they would join for a conversation on this topic.

Clearly, this discussion stirred people’s emotions. You can see it in my stories highlights here. I include (with permission) tons of messages that people sent me.

This morning I was doing a guided meditation, and the voice asked: “What gift do you want to give people?” I thought about it and started to cry. Because this week, I want to give women the gift of knowing that they’re lovable, desirable, and worthy at any age — regardless of the feedback that they’re given. I want women to feel that in their soul.

https://medium.com/hello-love/why-do-men-date-younger-women-37c23b66c38e